Saturday was my one year blogiversary. No celebrating this year.
This past Friday I was told I was going to be laid off, due to lack of work and that next spring I won’t be asked back. They are going to hire someone part time as there isn’t enough work for a full time position. Now I have until September 28th to find a job. I am not panicky about this, I know God has a plan.
BUT (you knew that was coming didn’t you) my brain is so frizzed out right now. I can’t write a cover letter to save my life. Can’t. connect. words. today. Time is of the essence right now and my brain has decided to take a vacation. I think I know why. There is nothing in the paper right now that I am excited about or that I am able to do without completely switching careers again. No matter what job I get…it won’t be what I really want to do.
Right now, I don’t want to be an administrative assistant, I don’t want to be a banker of any sort. I want our family to grow. I want a baby. I want to open my yarn shop and live MY dream, not someone else’s. It’s hard looking for a job with these thoughts nagging and pricking my conscience. I know the baby and the yarn shop are coming sometime down the road, but why not right now? There is a constant buzzing in my brain today, a barely audible flurry of thoughts, what if, why not, should I, could we. I just want to turn it off.