So Saturday we went to a redneck convention (antique lawn tractor and steam engine show) and ate expensive crappy food, including, for me, a hot dog with sauerkraut. I took one bite and noticed a really odd sensation under my right ear. You know that weird twinge you get under your ear when you eat something really sour? That was it, but I didn’t think the kraut was that sour. This went on all through lunch, with every bite, it grew worse and felt odder. I also noticed the right side of my face swelling up. Weird.
We came home and as it was raining and generally a blah day, everyone took a nap. I tossed and turned. When we woke up the swelling had gone down and we went for ice cream and to wander around Hobby Lobby. After eating a delicious cone of Brusters Mint Oreo I noticed that odd twinge again and my face swelling again. So weird.
Anywho, to make a long story short, after some digging on the internet I figured out I had a blocked or infected salivary gland. Oh joy. I did as described on a few sites and put a warm compress on it to help the swelling. By Sunday I couldn’t take the pain and swelling anymore. Every time I ate it was a nightmare so I went to the walk in clinic. I was told it was a blockage and given the oddest course of treatment. The doctor said to eat sour candy and this would produce massive amounts of saliva and dislodge the stone or “sludge”. Sludge being the proper medical term I believe. Eww.
So on the way home I downed half a box of Sour Patch Kids, a handful of Lemonheads, and a few Sour Skittles. Upon reaching home my face was swollen to goiter like proportions, my tongue was thoroughly blistered, burned, and I’m convinced pickled. But alas, it didn’t work. So the next morning I did a wee bit more research and read that some folks had success chewing gum. Whilst chewing said gum I felt my face swelling up and then all of a sudden a burst of saliva. I drooled like a bull mastiff for several hours and low and behold the gum worked. I am still a little puffy and soar just from all the up and down of the swelling and my tongue is still suffering the war waged on it by the sour candy, but I can now eat without wanting to cry. Hooray for Trident Layers Green Apple Pineapple Gum. Hooray for properly functioning salivary glands. Booo for sour candy. Man what a weird weekend.