Lately I feel like life is just running me over. Like it’s one freaky, crazy, dramatic instance after another. I keep waiting for things to settle down, but it never does.
Seannan is struggling with a cold and yesterday I noticed he was starting to wheeze so I called the family doctor and got him in for an appointment. All was going well, the nurse weighed him and took us to the exam room where I laid him on the table and started undressing him so she could get a temp and so the doctor could listen to his lungs. He was smiling at us and looking cute and adorable. The nurse needed a different thermometer so she went to get it and I turned around for a second to rinse his pacifier. I turned back around to keep an eye on him only to see my precious baby in free fall, coming down off the exam table, his head crashing against the biohazard waste bin and then landing on the floor. My heart stopped and those few nanoseconds were eternity. Then even faster than those nanoseconds my mama reflexes kicked in and I had Seannan scooped up in my arms before it even registered in his little head that he was hurt and started to cry. His little eyes met mine and we both started crying. He was inconsolable and I just held him sobbing, “Oh my God! I’m sorry Seannan!” over and over. The nurse came in and said as she was opening the door, “My goodness, all this noise, what’s going on?” then when she saw us she knew something was wrong and I explained, between sobs what had happened. She got Seannan’s doctor and the doctor looked him over real well. She said where he banged his head looked fine, just a real small hematoma. She said no bones were broken. As I tried to console my frantic baby she continued with the exam for what we originally came in for. He has a small ear infection in the left ear and she prescribed him an antibiotic. The whole time Seannan was still crying, despite my nursing him or giving him his binky and holding him. His doctor kept giving him worried glances and asking if his reaction was normal. I told her I had no idea, nothing like this had ever happened to him before. His doctor at that point said she would feel better if I took him to the ER to have him checked out because he was inconsolable and she wanted to make sure that there was nothing wrong internally that would be causing him to still be in such distress.
So, off to the ER we went. My good friend had accompanied me to the appt. with Finny so she continued on with me to the ER and Travis met us there. Just a few minutes after we left the doctor’s to go to the ER Seannan settled down and was sleeping peacefully in the back seat. Travis took Crystal and Finny back to the house and brought the car back to the ER. Seannan’s doctor had called ahead so they had a room ready for us. Seannan was tired as it was now a good two hours past naptime, but was finally getting back to my happy, smiley baby. He giggled at me as I snuggled him close and sang his special lullaby to him. He played with his toys on the hospital gurney (as I watched him like a hawk just millimeters away). He even smiled and giggled at the doctor who wiggled and jiggled and poked to make sure nothing was broken or dislocated.
As I donned a lead apron for the third time in five days while Seannan had his CT scan of his head and neck, I smiled. This is life. It’s not neat or easy or quiet. It’s not perfect or predictable or plannable. I watched him as the CT technicians strapped him onto the pad and draped a heavy lead apron over him. He visibly relaxed and sleepily watched the big machine whirring over his little head. The technicians said he was their best infant patient ever, he didn’t even fuss. I didn’t tell them that he’s a natural born snuggler and probably liked the heaviness of the lead apron wrapped around him.
Seannan got a clear CT scan and discharge papers. I got the peace that passes all understanding. I got quiet moments with my baby smiling in my arms while waiting in the ER. I got the giggles over my possible candidacy for “Worst Mother Of The Year Award”.
Life keeps trying to run me over lately and I realized today, you’re a much harder target if you hit the ground running. I will treasure the calm periods in my life and realize that they are just that, periods. Life is about ups and downs and ins and outs. Life is motion, forward, backward. Very rarely is life still, and that’s ok. It’s wonderful, just the way it is.