yard sales are evil

August 29, 2011

I will never have another yard sale ever. That is all.

Tips for a successful yard sale.

August 25, 2011

A yard sale is a great way to free up some of the clutter in your home, while earning a little extra cash.

Holy crap, where did all this junk come from? Who’s is this? No, we aren’t putting underwear in the yard sale. Seriously? You want to keep that? I’m sure the 60’s will be in fashion again someday. I’m pretty sure we don’t have enough tables to put all this crap, I mean yard sale fodder, on.

Make sure you advertise with poster board signs around your neighborhood at least a week in advance. Be sure to include time, date, location and whether or not your sale will be rain or shine.

Of for frack’s sake. You mean to tell me that I see yarn sale signs up for weeks PAST the date of the yard sale and I put MINE up and one stupid little gust of wind pulls them all down the day AFTER I put mine up? What do you mean you are all out of fluorescent green poster board. No, mustard yellow will be fine. Maybe we’ll get lucky and people will think they are construction signs and follow them…if they can see them.

If you plan on selling clothes, be sure to wash them and fold them nicely before hand. That way they are nice and fresh looking/smelling.

What do you mean the kids don’t have any clean clothes? I have been doing laundry all week! Oh yeah, yard sale laundry. So help me if you climb through the folded clothes one more time Finnigan. Finnigan! Get back in the kitchen with your chocolate pudding!

Give your self plenty of time to price and label all of your items, that way you aren’t rushing around the morning of the sale. A great way to do this is with little color coded dot stickers which can be found in the office supply section of most stores. If you are having your sale with more than one family, each family can pick a specific color dot to mark their items with.

Green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, let’s just burn it all, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots, green dots. Shit, we ran out of green dots. 

Set up as much as you can the night before the sale.

No really, we are only supposed to have tornado “warnings” until midnight. I think we can still set up the tents. A hernia? Cripes! I told you to lift with your knees!

Plan to get up early the day of your yard sale to make any last minute preparations. Remember yard salers come out early! Set your alarm so you can be on time.

Snooze. What do you mean it’s 9:30? Why didn’t you wake me up?

Keep your prices flexible, and you’ll have more successful sales.

Look lady, it’s a brand new, never been worn, still has the tags on it, leather jacket. Yes, I’m sure I won’t take less than $30 for it. Really? A quarter? You want to haggle over something marked for a quarter?

Plan to cover things up or bring them indoors for the night if your sale is more than one day.

What do you mean we are under a tornado watch again?

And finally, plan ahead of time what you will do with anything that does not get sold. Remember to use your earnings wisely.

It’s done? It’s over? Whoo Hoo! Pile everything in the middle of the yard and get the gas can out. Did that AVON cologne sell? Dump that on there! Light that sucker up! Where’s the cash box? Beer run! I am drinking my earnings and doing naked cart wheels around the bonfire while cackling like a mad woman!!!

Aren’t yard sales good old fashioned fun?



Who are we?

August 23, 2011

Last Wednesday I said to my husband that I take Elizabeth out for “girl’s night out” more often than we ever go on dates. Seriously, including our anniversary we go out together maybe three times a year. It’s ridiculous. I said we really needed a date night and soon. So, after stalking around for the rest of the afternoon I said to myself, “Screw it. We are going tonight.” We ate dinner and put the boys to bed and then left with the teenager on duty. She was happy because it was easy babysitting, as in, she could play World of Warcraft.

We went downtown to this neat little Bistro that popped up a couple of years ago. They are part of a group of people trying to give that end of downtown a bit more class. Trying to give North Main a more Greenwich Village feel. They are doing great by the way.  Our date got off to a rocky start as my hubby declared that this wasn’t “his kind of place”. Tough, order something. He ordered water. Eyeroll. Anyway, I ordered a Sangria, their drink special for the night and I worked at trying to strike up a conversation. It was pretty slow going at first. Remember, three dates a year. What the heck do we talk about other than the kids? Work? The pile of laundry on the couch? It became very clear, very fast that we need more time together. We need to invest in each other, otherwise the kids are going to grow up, move out and we are going to be two strangers living together. It made me stop and think. What do we have in common these days other than our kids? Have we forgotten how to be Travis and Tracey the couple? Do we only know how to be Daddy and Mama?

After a few false starts we did get a good conversation going. And it wasn’t about the kids. We were out back on the patio. It grew darker. I coaxed my picky, new food leery husband into splitting some bruschetta with me. The owner told him it was like little pizzas. Oh yeah, did I mention my husband knows the owners? And their son? This man knows everybody! I’m telling you, the county would stop running if my husband stopped fixing computers. Introductions were made all around. Two hours, and two sangrias later the hubby and I were chatting along nicely. We really enjoyed our impromptu date. And we also decided that every other Wednesday night was date night. Even if it just means two cups of coffee and a quiet table. Realizing that we didn’t have to go whole hog for dinner and a sitter and the whole evening out really freed us up. We decided to work harder at spending time together in the evenings too, instead of us both heading off to do our own separate things once the kids are in bed. I love my hubby, I don’t want us to end up being strangers. I often wonder how many divorces are the product of two people too lazy to give a crap about the future of their marriage? It’s an investment, and that means it’s work. No one said the work couldn’t be fun though.

Rain, rain…please stay

August 15, 2011

It’s raining here today. Heavy, light, drizzly, it changes every now and then. I love it. It makes me want to wander around the house in my underwear and drink coffee. It makes me want to bake bread and cookies with the kids. It makes me want to sleep and write in my journal and read and do sudoku. It makes me want to knit and watch chic flicks all day. It is a beautiful and welcome respite from the oppressive heat of summer. I wish it would rain all week. There is something about rain that makes you slow down a bit. It’s the light dim and dark, and yet soft and welcoming. I love August rain. For some reason it makes me feel better. It’s like God is saying, “Don’t worry, Autumn is coming. Here is a preview.” I love Autumn. I get restless like a squirrel in Autumn. I start canning and freezing and baking everything in site. It’s not here yet, but it will be, sooner than I care to admit.

And don’t worry, I will put my clothes on before I start baking with the kids.

The haircut. I love it. It is my most favorite haircut ever. I feel like a fourth grader saying that, but it is! It is just beyond fun.

If I were rich, I’d be eccentric

August 10, 2011

I have bumper stickers on my car that read, “Support Your Local Midwife” and “Happiness is a homeborn baby”, this would also be the car that has electro music and bass pounding out of it whenever it is sans small children. If I could I would wear dresses ever day of the year. If I also had the time I would wear cat’s eye, eye make up every day of the year.  I’m chopping my sweet hair cut off this weekend to get a faux hawk. I really wanted to dye it a crazy color like red or teal, but I’m too busy (read lazy there) to keep up with the roots. I swear, yep, I do. I don’t curse though because cursing is sinful where as swearing is just bad manners. Go ahead, ask me the difference… I pray to God all the time, in fact I have plenty of conversations with Him out loud through out my day. I will never forward or post one of those asinine messages by email or Facebook that say if you love God/Jesus you will post this as your status or email it to every person you ever received an email from. Yes, I will delete it, every time. I think God would rather you get off your lazy butt and go help someone than send an impotent email. (Gosh Trace, bitter much?) I like bright colored nail polish, even black. I love make up and dyeing my hair. I have so many things in my life that I love, that normally wouldn’t pair up with some of the other loves in my life. Hippie bumper stickers with crazy, loud techno music, for one.

I love my husband. A lot. Like a lot, a lot. I love my children. A lot. Like a lot, a lot. I love to cook, bake, and can. I love to host dinner parties for my friends, simply for the fact that it’s an excuse to do two of my favorite things, hang with my friends and eat. I like vodka tonics and wine. I’m actually going to be making my own wine here soon. Very excited about that. I’m not a big drinker. I love high heels, but rarely wear them anymore. I have 9 chickens that I love dearly. I knit, I spin. I’m well read, and want to learn as much as I can. I love people, all kinds of people. I don’t care what color your skin is, or what sex you decide to fall in love with or how many tattoos or piercings you have, or even if you are a tea party republican. If you are nice, I will probably think you are just the coolest thing since sliced bread. I try to live in a manner that my God would find pleasing. I also know that I’m a horribly flawed human and that’s why I need Him in the first place. I’m no better, or worse, than anyone else on this big blue ball.

I like myself. I always have. I’m one of those people who is actually pretty comfortable with themselves. Mom having cancer has made my head split open with all the stuff floating around inside it. I’ve been doing so much “deep” thinking lately. There are so many silly little things I want to do in my lifetime, things that are totally doable and things that probably would take more money than I have and some major planning. So, for now, I’m going to stop giving a crap about others’ opinions (a flaw that I really don’t like about myself) and start doing the things I’ve always wanted to do. Providing they don’t hurt someone else. I don’t have many aspirations that would. Besides, who cares if my hair is teal and all mohawk-y if it makes me happy! I’m an odd little duck and I really like all of my crazy. Every last bit of it.