Yeah, really. I think that’s what it is, at 32. As a good friend (a really good friend I’ll add) pointed out last night. I did start my adult life at the age of 16, so it stands to reason, my mid life crisis would rear it’s ugly head a little earlier. So, now what? Another friend ( a really good friend as well) suggested I sit down and make a list of what I want to do with my life. Not a bucket list, that’s a bit on the negative side. We are talking about living my life, not hurry up and do this stuff before you die. So, I started thinking last night about the dreams I had way back when, and are they realistically achievable now, and do I even still want them.
Join the coast guard Nope, not even remotely feasible anymore. Pity.
Study marine biology Again, not looking very promising. Double pity.
Purchase my midlife crisis sports car That would require money and it’s just too damn cliche.
and here’s where I draw a blank. I know that I want more. I know that I want to do something with my life, but what? What is it I want really? Maybe I need to figure out what I’m unhappy with in my life first. Perhaps, some reorganizing and decluttering is in order.
Well, I know I can’t do “the simple” life. I’ve tried convincing myself it’s what I want, but it’s a lie. I’m lying to myself. I can’t abide the simple, quiet life. I like simple, quiet moments, sure, but a whole lifetime? NO! I require action. And quite frankly, living in peaceful, quite Amish country just isn’t doing it for me. I’m sure it comes as no surprise to most of you that I enjoy being the life of the party. I am also a night owl and they roll up the sidewalks at 5:00 around here. It’s killing me! Really? Haven’t you people ever heard of night life? I’m a social butterfly. I need interaction with other people, often, or I dry up. Preferably people with more personality than corrugated cardboard. I have been very blessed to find such people in my Stitch’n Bitch group, and a few other rare gems have popped up here and there.
I also know I’m tired of being tired, and overweight. I am working on that, but I thought perhaps I need something a bit more specific to work towards. 12. That’s what I’m working towards, size 12. I don’t care what I weigh, when I am a size 12 again I will be insanely happy. And totally considering going under the knife. No, for real. Tummy tuck, here I come. I’m going to need one.
This is all so bizarre, this crazy, antsy, burning, stirring inside of me. I know I want change, but what kind of change is just killing me! My biggest goal right now, is to just be me, and to stop feeling guilty and making apologies for it.