A friend commented to me last night, about how much I have changed since she met me several years ago. And I told her, this is more like the real me, than the person you met back then. It got me thinking, why do I do that? I try so hard to fit in with a certain group of people, or a certain lifestyle. I adapt all these things that just aren’t me, trying so hard to be something I’m not, because I think that’s what someone wants me to be or needs me to be. I keep going until I’m so frustrated and miserable that I blow up, shake it all off, and get back to being me. And the stupid part is, the people that I care about the most, are still there, when all that’s left is Tracey, The Original. The ones that fall away, never really mattered in the first place. It’s so stupid and I do it time and time again. I get so stuck in my own head, and try so hard to press myself into a mold. I just end up making myself miserable.
The thing is, I like me. Granted, I’m not perfect, and there are things about me that I don’t like. That’s normal, and ok, none of us are perfect, we’d all like to make a few changes in our life. I’m just tired of thinking that I need to be someone else, for the people in my life to love me. I’m me, either you like me, or you don’t. It’s time that I realize that, and be ok with it.